shocker Moods

I am bipolar as you all know, I go thru the crazies and stop all associations with you or my family and whoever the heck you were and sort of shut down then… I am okay.

Talk about shame? I mean one day I slam the phone on you -- next day I am all chipper and lets hang out… and they call it a mood disorder. and still I don’t really know what that means..

            But I think I am getting there or here? or however you see my paradigm, yeah okay so I got a shock

            it was about coffee. I recently learned I love fresh ground French pressed coffee. it’s the hoot! so I made coffee oh about 9am. I suppose I do use an over-sized travel cup with a straw I can take on the road with me but that is nothing I on normal days drink two of these, makes 64 ounces and I record it in my hydration journal.

            So I made this 32 ounce mug of fresh coffee

            around 4:20 PM I realized I hadn't really touched it. all day I didn't drink coffee and what do I say to that? "I was not in the MOOD"

            Mood is like that.

            it stops all normal process. Having coffee is a part of my process, it tells me I am in a real day and its part of my day. like showering like taking my insulin you don’t just stop doing life… but. what if you were not in the mood?"

            What makes my Mood disorder such a disorder is the fact that IT rules me.

            It says NO even if I said I would, even if I was all hyped up last night about it, for whatever needful planning I might have been doing… a Mood hits me.

            I usually don’t even really know that cloud had me. there is little… actual indication of a mood. but afterwards? the only excuse I can give you. well me actually and the journal I keep is… a mood struck me.

            But Moods can do more damage than just forgetting about coffee

            its after 5 now so, I guess I will make decalf and try again.

            Go screw yourself Mood! where is my bipolar meds?