FYI or Blah Blah Blah

Writing. i love. i love to write. or
now that its been about 2 stinking years since i wrote anything satisfying i love to think i liked to write
and i used to write like a mad man

now it's like i love to dream about how good writing made me feel when i wrote
what happened?

I recall a dream
a nightmare
the devil was in it
he was cute actually
his whole team was wonderful to me
in fact i was having a blast with him

then Jesus had to show up
they fought
and they said they were fighting over me

ooh\
made my day to feel important
but

something clicks in me
its like it was a message
Jesus was unhappy with the direction my motivation was taking
and was willing to fight the devil for me

i have little clue how real my interpretation of all this really was meant to mean really i don't

but i wake up and i am wet with sweat
and shaking
and i get on the floor and began to pray
pray pray pray
it was spooky
fear of god?
i think that day i learned the meaning of that one
so
i aimed to turn my life around
that which i was pleased by in my writing. which i admit had been ruling my life (an idol) had to go
so i stopped writing altogether

okay
where was I
writing
i miss the stinking F**k out of writing
i dream of writing
of writing dreams
yes #NateGrossman and writing about sex and magic and money and ego.
church would not like what i had to say about all this
but i cant
i just cant write
its wrong
its a sin

wow

talk about old tapes
hmm

more later
? or not